i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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