Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
