Michael Bay diarrhea
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
