If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
