Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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