I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
