so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
