Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
