Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
