Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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