My nipple is on Facebook.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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