he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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