What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
In other news, I just burned my penis
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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