She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
In America we eat man semen.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
