he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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