everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
