see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
