Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
