Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
