she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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