Screwed.edu
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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