Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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