You really coming over, don't trick.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
