I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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