she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I need to sanitize my soul.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
