me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
