You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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