Fine. I'll sleep in my office
True but thats because hes a fetus.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
