I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
