I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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