She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
