As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
