I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
