I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
