dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
