She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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