I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
