Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
