If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
