How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
