I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
