my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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