i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
