would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
