remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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