I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
