I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
