wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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