I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
