I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
